Sufficient Grace (Part 1)

Too many times

I’ve said, “I love you”

Not knowing what I meant.

Too many times I’ve said my goodbyes

Not caring where they went.

Too many times

My heart has ached

And never asked for help.

Too many times

I’ve sacrificed 

My dreams for someone else.

Too many times

Dreamt of a knight

Riding to my rescue.

Too many times

Been let down when

He acts like all the rest do.

Too many times

I’ve been too shy

To stand my ground to others, 

So too many times

I’ve been taken

Advantage of by brothers.

too many times

I’ve tried to be

Pleasing to a man,

And too many times,

Unwanting,

I’ve agreed to his demands.

Too many times

I’ve sprawled in bed

Just wanting to be wanted.

Too many times

I’ve joined the hunt

While longing to be hunted.

Too many times

I’ve cast my heart

Like pearls before the swine.

Too many times

Been drunk on lust

Like hoboes on cheap wine.

Too many times 

I’ve rushed to love

And found it left me reeling.

Too many times

I’ve felt “in love”

And found love had no feeling.

   I debated long and hard over posting this poem. In fact, I haven’t even shown it to more than two or three people for fear of being condemned as a “sinner” or severely back-slidden, since although it was written some time ago, it was long after I became a Christian, and covers themes that we "church folk" seem to enjoy avoiding.  So often in the Christian community we get this idea that once we’re “saved” we lose all sensitivity to temptation. Or we think that, if we were really Christians, we wouldn’t be tempted by things like greed, lust, and bitterness. But the truth is, we face temptation at least as much as the rest of the world, and very often the same forms of temptation. Being a follower of Christ doesn’t mean that we live perfect lives, free from the lure of wrong-doing. Jesus Himself was tempted by the devil, and at least in the Garden of Gethsemane He struggled deeply with the desire to go His own way rather than that of the Father. C. S. Lewis once said, “Those who are most familiar with temptation are those who fight against it the longest. For once we give in, we cease to struggle with it.” Shouldn’t our lives, our art reflect that struggle? Shouldn’t we acknowledge our imperfections more than anyone else in the world? As Paul says, “I will boast all the more in my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) But instead of boasting in our weaknesses, we try desperately to hide them, fooling ourselves into thinking that we’ve succeeded and no one can see our problems. We conveniently forget the insightful perspective of an outsider, those who see and shake their heads at our blindness, when we are called to be the ones bringing the light of truth to the others. No wonder the world laughs at us. Let’s embrace our humanity, rather than run from it. Let’s relish our weaknesses, not to indulge them, but to acknowledge that the grace we receive is sufficient for us all.